Here is an easy way to cause people think more highly of you.

Public relations, known as "PR," is the business of inducing the public to have understanding of and goodwill toward a person or institution.

How important is PR? Well, we all practice it in the ways that we dress, style our hair, smile and relate with other members of our human race. Billions of dollars are paid annually to PR firms by people who believe that image is supremely important. As Elvis Presley said, "I'm not a singer. In my business you don't have to be," meaning that merely his image as a great entertainer was everything.

Public relations matters to everyone who isn't apathetic, comatose or dead.

Conversely, "black PR" is the business of inducing the public to have misunderstanding of and ill will toward a person or institution.

How important is black PR? Well, wherever you find innuendo, rumor, defamation, disrepute, scandal and alteration of truth you will find black PR. It is all around us and is the mother's milk of the news media.

For instance, there was the death of Diana, Princess of Wales, on 31 August 1997. You may recall how quickly and effectively the news media targeted the paparazzi, narrowing the blame to the free-lance photographers whom the media reported had been chasing the Princess recklessly. Although Princess Diana had generally related cordially with the paparazzi and had consistently used them as much as they had used her, literally overnight it seemed that the whole world hated "the paparazzi who had killed Diana."

That was black PR.

By the time the black 1994 Mercedes S-280 had reached the Seine and was approaching the underpass where the tragedy was about to occur, every paparazzo was at least a quarter of a mile from the Mercedes. The paparazzi had no intention of risking their lives on motorbikes while attempting to photograph someone at night through a speeding Mercedes' heavily tinted windows.

The paparazzi had already implemented a safe and effective plan based on teamwork. As soon as the photographers had realized that the couple was heading toward Dodi al-Fayed's apartment, they had alerted their colleagues stationed outside his residence to capture any appropriate photographs there.

The news media deceptively spun the story. Although they claim to never make the news but to only report it, that claim is utterly false. Just as Rumpelstiltskin spun straw into gold, the news media continually spins insignificance into disgrace. In this instance they unjustifiably blamed the photographers and thereby actually created the scandal that they then reported as news.

The news media's allegations were not substantiated by the facts. Even the French police concluded that purported interference by paparazzi was not the cause of Princess Diana's demise.

Every subsequent official investigation reached the same conclusion.

Furthermore, an ensuing autopsy on the driver, Henri Paul, revealed that he had 175 milligrams of alcohol per 100 milliliters of blood. According to French investigators, such a blood-alcohol level was about three times the legal limit.

In addition, the autopsy reflected the drugs Prozac and Tiapridal in the driver's bloodstream, which would have intensified the effects of alcohol. Henri Paul's decision to drive Princess Diana and Dodi al-Fayed in that condition reflected extreme negligence.

The public was duped by the news media.

Here is another classic example of black PR. Do you remember Richard Jewell, the security guard whom the news media effectively labeled as the 1996 Centennial Olympic Park bomber and whom the U.S. Department of Justice later formally exonerated? The news media ruthlessly stripped Mr. Jewell of his reputation. How does he get it back?

Examples are endless. For instance, Minnesota's former Governor Jesse Ventura has boldly and repeatedly criticized the news media. In response, the news media has not been kind to Mr. Ventura. Now, as I am writing this editorial on 10 February 2003, CNN (Cable News Network) has just announced moments ago that Jesse Ventura has been hospitalized this afternoon with a blood clot in his lung. A logical conclusion for the public to reach is that Mr. Ventura's health is deficient.

Contrary though to CNN's report, I've just verified that the announcement is utterly false. According to a close member of Mr. Ventura's family, he does not have a blood clot and is not in the hospital. In fact, he is healthy and preparing to attend a significant social event on the West Coast the day after tomorrow.

CNN's announcement is either another case of astoundingly careless and erroneous reporting, without the news media ever having checked the alleged facts, or it is another example of black PR, coincidentally leveled against a thorn in the side of the news media.

Billions of dollars are paid annually by individuals and organizations who want you to misunderstand and think less of someone or something. Black PR can be insidiously effective. Seldom is it seen for what it is.

Black PR is also important to everyone who isn't apathetic, comatose or dead. You don't want to be the target of someone's black PR campaign. You may be awarded damages from the news media if you can prove malicious intent in a court of law, but it is easier to spin straw into gold.

Most importantly, however, you don't want to inadvertently black PR yourself. Yet sometimes that's precisely what you do.

Occasionally you fail to notice that spot of Hollandaise sauce on your neck tie. Or that hole in your nylon stocking. Or that speck of spinach between your teeth. Unfortunately your acquaintances notice and mentally wince, but then usually forgive you for your sporadic shortcomings. After all, even United States Vice President and philanthropist Nelson Rockefeller was once photographed with his legs crossed and with a prominent hole in the sole of his shoe.

What if a day later, though, you fail to notice a spot of Béarnaise sauce on your neck tie? Or another hole in your nylon stocking? Or a speck of asparagus between your teeth? Will those with whom you associate mentally wince and then forgive you again?

And what if a day after that you are still sporting exactly the same spot of Béarnaise sauce on your neck tie? Or the same hole in your nylon stocking? Or the same speck of asparagus between the same two teeth? Should you expect those who winced yesterday to forgive you again? Or do you think you would lose some altitude in the eyes of your associates?

These sorts of black public-relations faux pas are like sparklers that silently attract everyone's attention. People stare and wince, but that's all. For example, you have a single hair protruding from your nostril. Everyone winces mentally, but no one says anything about it. It's as if no one noticed your social blunder, but everyone did.

To achieve an objective, let's create a word. Let's call such an act of commission or omission a "wincie" and define it as follows: Any act of stupidity, ignorance or carelessness by a person that causes someone else to mentally wince and think less of the perpetrator.

There are visio-wincies, such as Alfredo sauce dripping from someone's chin; and audio-wincies, such as a traveler warning his companions about the submerged allegories along the Nile; and olfactory-winces, such as a sales lady reeking of garlic at a perfume counter. There are numerous other kinds of wincies, too, but they all result in the perpetrator losing altitude in the eyes of his or her associates.

Perhaps the most common wincies are those that involve reading, writing and pronunciation. If you err in a language, you will probably commit the same wincie again and again.

Everyone is susceptible to them. When committed by others, some may make us laugh, but they all make us wince. For instance, I recall Fox News Anchor Laurie Dhue's recent mispronunciation of the title of the late singer Rosemary Clooney's first gold record. Rosie's enormous hit in 1951 was "Come On-a My House," which the 33 year-old Ms. Dhue reported at the time of the singer's demise, in June 2002, as "Come On, I'm a House."

Wincies don't just make you appear unenlightened; they prove it. If people responded to your wincies with "Oh my God! What the hell's wrong with you?" you would annihilate all your wincies in short order. Instead people mentally wince, politely maintain their composure, and sympathize with your ignorance.

An easy way to cause people to think more highly of you is simply to exterminate some of your wincies. Let's do it now.

Some wincies eventually become acceptable, such as the word "pernickety," pronounced "per-NICK-a-tee" for many decades, meaning "fussy about small details." In about 1905, however, uneducated people began injecting an "s," making the word into a wincie that they pronounced "per-SNICK-a-tee." Eventually the wincie was mispronounced so frequently and by so many people that it actually become acceptable. Today you will find both words, "pernickety" and "persnickety," in the dictionary.

Here, however, are several dozen linguistic wincies that are common in our society, but that are not considered acceptable. They are conscientiously avoided by the well educated. If any of these wincies are yours, my advice is to exterminate them immediately.

Don't pronounce "affidavit" as "affidavid." It ends with a "t," not a "d."

Never write the word "alright." It does not exist in proper English. The term is "all right."

Never use the term "a.m." or "p.m." in place of the word "morning" or "afternoon," such as "Let's meet tomorrow in the p.m." Instead use the terms "a.m." and "p.m." only after a specific time, such as "2:45 a.m."

Don't write the word "anyplace." The well educated often frown on it.

Remember that the word "Arctic" has a "c" in the middle and is pronounced "ARC-tic." It also applies to the word "Antarctic," which is pronounced "ant-ARK-tic."

Don't say "At the same time as ...." Just say "While...."

Don't say "At this point in time ...." Just say "At this time ...."

Don't say that something is "awfully," "terribly," or "terrifically" when you mean "very," such as "The tree is awfully big (wrong).

What is left is the "remainder," not the "balance."

The phrase is not "barb wire." It is "barbed wire."

Don't say "between you and I." Say "between you and me."

Pronounce "calm" as "KAM," not "KALM." Keep the letter "L" silent.

"Can I go outside?" You "can," in that you are physically able. You "may," in that you have permission.

One who cheats at cards is a "cardsharp." There is no such word as "cardshark."

The phrase is not "chomp at the bit." It is "champ at the bit."

"In the case of" can usually be avoided, as in "People can be difficult, as in the case of criminals." Just say "Criminals can be difficult."

Don't confuse "continual" with "continuous." "Continual" means repetitive, as in "The continual return of the swallows is intriguing." "Continuous" means uninterrupted, as in "The continuous noise of the train is deafening."

Pronounce "cornet," the valved brass instrument as "kor-NET," not "kor-a-NET."

Write "could have," not "could of."

Say "different from," rather than "different than."

Pronounce "dilate," meaning to enlarge, as "DI-late," not "DI-a-late."

In the word "diphtheria," the "ph" is pronounced as an "f."

People use generic "duct" tape, not "duck" tape.

Don't say "Due to the fact that ...." Just say "Because ...."

In a business letter don't write "Enclosed please find." Just write "I've enclosed ..." and they'll find it.

Don't use the phrase "equally as good." Use "equally good" and "just as good."

Use an exclamation point (!) only to denote an interjection or strong emotion, such as "Stop!" or "Look out!" or "Come here!" Do not use it merely to emphasize what you are writing, such as "Remove all food from the table in the employees' lounge at the conclusion of each break!" That's an improper use of the punctuation mark. Also, never use two or more exclamation points in succession.

Pronounce "February" as "FEB-ru-ary," not "FEB-u-ary." There are two "r's."

Pronounce "federal" as "FED-er-al," not "FED-ral." It has three syllables.

Pronounce "forehead" as "FAR-ed," not "FOR-head." Keep the letter "h" silent.

Pronounce "forte," meaning a strong point, as "FORT." The "e" is silent in "forte," unless you are referring to a forte passage in music.

Pronounce "foliage" as "FO-lee-ij," not "FO-lij." It has three syllables.

The quarterback may be a "good" fellow, but he doesn't play "good." His team hopes that he plays "well."

Pronounce "height" to rhyme with the word "right." There is no "th" in the word.

Pronounce "herb" as "HERB." Everywhere in the world outside of small town America the pronunciation "ERB" is a wincie.

Don't say "In order to ...." Just say "To ...."

You can not enclose anything "in parenthesis." You can enclose words "in parentheses (two of them)."

Don't write "in regards to." Write "in regard to" or "as regards."

The phrase is "intents and purposes," not "intensive purposes."

Don't say "irregardless." Say "regardless."

"Its (without an apostrophe)" reflects possession, as does "his" and "hers." "It's (with an apostrophe)" is a contraction of "it" and "is," such as "It's (it is) time to move along."

Pronounce the name of the Country of Iraq as "e-ROCK." It is not "ah-ROCK" or "i-ROCK" or "i-RACK." Regardless of how you may hear it carelessly pronounced in the news, the second syllable does not rhyme with the word "attack."

Pronounce "jewelry" as "JU-el-ree," not "JU-la-ree." The first two syllables are like the word "jewel."

"Ku Klux Klan" begins with "Ku," not "Klu."

Former Premier of the Soviet Union Nikita S. Khrushchev's surname is pronounced "Krush-CHOF," not "Krush-CHEV." (In 1960 "Khrushchev" was the most difficult word in the newspapers for Americans to spell. It is no wonder that they consistently mispronounced it.)

Pronounce "lambaste," meaning to assault violently, "lam-BASTE," not "LAM-bast." The second syllable rhymes with "haste," not "cast."

The larynx, that part of the trachea that contains the vocal cords, is pronounced "LAIR-ingks," with just two syllables. Do not pronounce it "LAR-n-icks" or "LARN-icks."

Pronounce "liable" as "LI-a-bl," not "LI-bl." It has three syllables.

Pronounce "menstruation" as "men-stru-WAY-shun," not "men-stray-shun." It has four syllables.

Pronounce "miniature" as "MIN-e-a-chur," not "MIN-a-chur." It has four syllables.

Don't say "moisturize." That's pure commercial polysyllabic jargon, dreamt up by Madison Avenue in 1945, with no basis in standard English. It is only used by people who have spent too much time watching television. Instead say "moisten," pronounced "moi-sen," with the letter "t" silent.

Don't write "might of." The phrase is "might have."

Pronounce "nuclear" as "NU-klee-er," not "NU-kyuh-ler," regardless of how the president of the United States is pronouncing it.

Pronounce "nuptial," relating to marriage, as "NUP-shl," not as "NUP-shoo-l." There are just two syllables.

Don't say "often times." Just say "often," pronounced as "AH-fun," not "AF-tun." Keep the letter "t" silent.

Pronounce "orange" as "AHR-inj (beginning with the sound of the letter 'R')," not "OR-inj." (Follow the lead of the highest paid motion picture stars and announcers, who are paid top dollar for good reasons.)

Don't say "orientate (four syllables)." There is no such word. It is "orient (three syllables)."

The United States monetary unit equal to 1/100 of a dollar or a federal reserve note is called a "cent." It is not a "penny," which is a monetary unit of other countries.

Use "percentage," not "per cent," unless you are referring to a number. Five (number) "per cent" knew why they were there, but the larger "percentage" (no number) had no idea.

"Principal" refers to high rank or importance, or money. "Principle" refers to a fundamental rule.

Never use the five-syllabic word "psychological" if you merely mean the two-syllabic word "mental," or you will appear as an inadequately educated, pretentious and struggling first-year psychology student.

In a business letter don't write "I am in receipt of your letter ...." Of course you are or you wouldn't be answering it.

Pronounce "Realtor" as "RE-al-tr," not "RE-la-tr." Don't pronounce the middle syllable backwards.

Don't use "reverend" before only a person's last name, such as "Reverend Morgan." You may, however, say, "Reverend Mr. Morgan," or "Reverend H. G. Morgan," or "Reverend Howard G. Morgan."

Don't say "seldom ever." Just say "seldom."

The preferred pronunciation of "pianist" is "pe-AN-nist," with the accent on the second syllable, not "PEE-a-nist," with the accent on the first syllable. As Liberace once told me, "I explain that I am a 'pe-AN-nist' who plays the 'pe-AN-no.' I am not a 'PEE-a-nist' who plays the 'PEE-a-no.'"

Pronounce "probably" as "PRA-ba-blee," not "PRA-blee." It has three syllables.

Pronounce "relevant" as "REL-ah-vant," not "REV-ah-lant." Don't reverse the "v" and the "l."

Pronounce "sherbet" as "SHER-bet," not "SHER-bert." There is no "r" in the second syllable.

Something may have "sneaked," but it never "snuck." Delete "snuck" from your vocabulary. You may find "snuck" in a dictionary, but you will also find "ain't." ("Snook," however, is a valid word for a type of fish.)

If you mean "somewhere," don't say "someplace."

A gentleman may wear a suit (pronounced "SOOT") as he approaches a living room suite (pronounced "SWEET") or enters a hotel suite (pronounced "SWEET").

The Japanese word "sushi" does not mean raw fish. Sushi, pronounced "SU-she" is cold rice, dressed with vinegar, that may or may not contain bits of raw fish or shellfish. The word "sashimi" means raw fish and is correctly pronounced "SA-she-me."

Pronounce "taut," meaning "having no slack," as "TAWT," not TAWNT."

Pronounce "Tijuana" as "Tee-HWA-na," not "Tee-a-WA-na." The letter "a" only occurs twice in the three-syllabic word.

Pronounce "triathlon" as "tri-ATH-ln," not "tri-ATH-a-lon." It has only three syllables.

Don't say "Until such time as ...." Just say "Until ...."

Don't use the three-syllabic word "utilize," meaning "to turn to practical use," if you merely mean the one-syllabic word "use," meaning "the act of employing something."

Pronounce "voluptuous" as "vo-LUP-tchewus," not "vo-LUMP-tchewus." She may have various lumps on her, but there is no "lump" in the word.

One never has "a ways to go," although he may have "a way to go (singular)."

Don't erroneously substitute "where" for "that." For example, don't say "I saw on the television 'where' the actors are having another awards ceremony." Instead say "I saw on the television 'that' the actors are bestowing awards on themselves again."

Don't say "With the possible exception of ...." Just say "Except for ...."

Use "would have," not "would of."

Pronounce "zoology" as "zo-AH-le-gee," not "zoo-AH-le-gee." The first syllable rhymes with "go," not "who."

Unless you are communicating with an English professor, nuclear scientist, minister, movie star, news anchor person or professional pianist, most people are not likely to notice if you are consistently avoiding these wincies. Then again, neither will they notice that you don't have Alfredo sauce on your chin.

If, however, you are committing some of these wincies, many people will, with a straight face, mentally wince and then reposition their peg with your name on it a few holes lower.

In this competitive world, exterminating your wincies is time well spent.

Mega Genius

10 February 2003

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